716 Ways to say What is Masturbation, Wanking and Self Pleasure

Different Ways English Speakers Describe Wanking

Help is needed I have sat for a while and thought of as many ways possible to pull the pork. However, it’s not clear I have covered them all. Men of any age are likely to fantasize about having sex by gripping their hand around their penis and pulling up and down, this is also known as having and ham shank or wank. It does not matter how you may even want a posh wank, here are a huge list of words to describe you being a dirty bastard.

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Pluck (One’s) Twanger
Painting the picket fence
Hitchhike To The Sky
Shaking hands with Dr. Winky
Pull the Pope
Clicking The Home Page
Crack One Off
Tickle the ivory
Polishing the pearl
Have one off the wrist
One guy, one cup
Shoot putty at the moon
Evicting the testicular squatters
Banana squeezing
Stranger
Couch hockey for one
Barking up the wrong tree
Cuff the carrot
Rubbing Buddha’s tummy
Making it snow
Stir the yogurt
Punch The Clown
Make instant pudding
Corral your tadpole
Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela
Pole dancing
Flogging the egg man
Dancing with the one-eyed sailor
Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters
Rope the Pope
Shuffle your Ipod
Shine the helmet
Beat (One’s) Meat
Self-Love
Slap it
Slapping Johnny on the back
Whippin off a batch
Bludgeon the beefsteak
Petting the kitty
Do handiwork
Cook Up A Batch
Beat The Kids
Electing the President
Singing Soprano
Tug the slug
Engage in safe sex
Milk the moose
Milk the lizard
Varnishing the banister
Tenderize the tube steak
A date with Palmela Handerson
Onan’s olympics
Frost the pastries
Play the skin flute
Squeezing the happy lumberjack
Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights
Squeeze your cheese-dog
Plunk (One’s) Twanger
Keep a date with Fisty Palmer
Fling your phallus
Wax on, whack off
Have A Tug Of War With Cyclops
Pudwhack
Paying at the turnpike
Sex With Someone You Love
Punch (One’s) Clown
Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally
Spank the monkey
Stroke It
Spearing The Bearded Clam
Manual override
Give it a tug
Thump the pump
Rough Up The Suspect
Beat the meat
Crank the love pump
Pump gas at the self-service island
Love the Muppet
Monologuing
Jerk Jamby
Slap The Salami
Batebeat It
Cuddle the kielbasa
Rub One Out
Screwing your courage to the sticking place
Pet the lizard
Putting your thumb in the porridge
Play peek-a-boo
Shellac the shillelagh
Whack It
Making magic with leftovers
Sailing the mayonnaise seas
Paint the ceiling
Getting trigger happy
Choke (One’s) Chicken
Fiction friction
Flog the dolphin
Oil the glove
Whack the weasel
Dating Hannie Palmer
Spinnin’ a record
Beat the stick
Self-Abuse
Minding The Gap
Painting the flag pole
Unloading the gun
Hand to gland combat
Beat The Bishop
Get your pole varnished
Walk the dog
Go blind
Have A Wank
Jibber jab
Boxing The One-Eyed Champ
Play pocket pool
Self abuse
Helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college
Calling in the secret service
One man band
Buck The Slobbering Donkey
Beat the bishop
Rotating The Drive Head
Gardening with the golden trowel
Do it your way
Pound the pud
Wax the carrot
Beat the beaver
Shake and steak
Romeo and himself
Turning On The Sprinklers
Make the bald man puke
Spank The Monkey
Appease the cheese
Cuffing The Carrot
Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger
Whack Willy
Putting your best foot forward
Stroking it
Wax The Dolphin
Whip the wire
Pull your own leg
Ram the ham
Shake the sauce
Flicking the bean
Blow your own horn
Five Knuckle Shuffle
Play pocket pinball
Punch the munchkin
Smiting the pink knight
Jerkin the gerkin
Flog The Bishop
Polish The Family Jewels
Shucking The Corn
Shake hands with the unemployed
Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly’s shoes
One gun salute
Adjusting the antenna
Discovering your own potential
Ice the churro
Smack Lester
Hotfooting it to the nearest exit
Sex with someone you really love
Milk the self
Slap the salami
Keynoting In Cupertino
Crank the shank
Debugging The Hard Drive
Tapping Into Your Potential
Frosting your maple bar
Relishing your hot dog
Firing the pound gun
Greasin’ the gash
Saluting the general
Choking the chicken
Nerk your throbber
Flick The Bean
Wonk your conker
Shake hands with the midget
Perform diagnostics on your man tool
Whip the stiff
Wrist aerobics
Taking The Self-Guided Tour
Date Miss Michigan
Slap high fives with Yul Brynner
Clean your rifle
Feeling your way around
Snap the monkey
Aea
Beat the bologna
Polish the helmet
Locking the bathroom door
Shemp the hog
Taking Selfies At The Bean
Spank Bank
Bop the bolony
Self medicate
Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love
Take myself for a walk
Hard labor
Playing pocket pool
Scrach and sniff
Choke The Chicken
Pip the pumpkin
Shlick
Play tug-o-war with Cyclops
Playing Five-On-One
Mangle the midget
Fucking yourself
Work things out
Slap the donkey
Knock one out
Snap the whip
Tipping off the inspector
Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel
Making chowder with sailor Ned
Shake hands with the champ
Pull the pud
Wanker
Slapping the salami
Aiding and abetting a known felon
Lope the mule
Cheese off
Beat Off
Hitchhike underneath the big top
Wax The Carrot
Spanking the monkey
Get to know yourself
Bash The Bishop
Take the fifth
Play Uno
Stroke the satin-headed serpent
Ride the great white knuckler
Charm the snake
Spanking the rooster
Snap the rubber
Stranger, The
Backing your fist
Spank the monkey
Whitewashing with Huck and Tom
Pack your palm
Ull (One’s) Pud
Beef tips stroking off
Jazz yourself
Wank Off
Scratching Yoda Behind The Ears
Play Pocket Pinball
Bop the bologna
Working at your own speed
Take matters into your own hands
Flickin’ the kitten
Get a date with Slick Mittens
Fondle your flagpole
Engaging In Safe Sex
Spank
Diddle my skittle#
Whack Off
Audition your hand puppet
Spank the wank
Flipping your omelet
Pet (One’s) Kitty
Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior
Give your low five
Pumping the keg
Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube
Go on a date with Rosy Palm and her five sisters
Play a one-stringed guitar
Skin Off
Scraping the bottom of the barrel
Taking Your Talents To South Beach
Choke Kojak
Wash the meat
Liquidating the inventory
Pull rank
Pulling your own weight
Toss yogurt
Riding the five-legged pony
Pound (One’s) Pud
Rub the pink eraser
Making a cash withdrawal
Pull the pole
Get the German soldier marching
Whip the one-eyed trouser snake
Tribute Picture
Flick your Bic
Thinking of your mom
Shift gears
Wax the dolphin
Whack it
Shake hands with your wife’s best friend
Bop The Bishop
Caulk the tube sock
Hump your hose
Turning Japanese
Beating the bishop
Lubricating the love monkey
Talk to the hand
Solo flight
Pull the bologna pony
Flog the log
Left to your own devices
Stroke your Twinkie
Stretching the truth
Squeeze out a victory
Unleashing the alabaster yak
Wring out your rope
Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock
Go a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh
Letting the cat out of the bag
Clean the bean
Shuck your corn
Flog the bishop
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Much goo about nothing
Null the void
Paint the pickle
Thrash your thing
Go the blow
Clicking the mouse
Be your own best friend
Stroke your poker
Rub one out
Take part in population control
Fly fishing
Debugging the hard drive
Clamp the pipe
Playing the single-string air guitar
Plugging in the toaster
Whip the rat
Revving the engine
Butter the corn
Flick (One’s) Bean
Make a foreskin cone
Painting the ceiling
Scour the tower of power
Yank the yo-yo
Shake hands with Yul Brynner
Stinky pinky
Tug
Crown the king
Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne
Stroke The Salami – Torque It
Tending to your own affairs
Visit from the five-fingered aunty
Mount a corporal and four
Look for ticks
Petting The Cat
Dialing The Rotary Phone
Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap
Badgering The Witness
Watching The Magic Mike: Xxl Trailer
That crazy hand jive
Wrestle the eel
Spank (One’s) Monkey
Pull your taffy
Jerk the gherkin
Bash the candle
Prime the pump
Rope the pony
Slam the salmon
Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile
Double-Click (One’s) Mouse
Solo marathon
Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig
Playing it safe
Wack Off
Trolling The Bermuda Triangle
Shoot for the moon
Clap your clit
Submitted by Jake W.
Shine your pole
Exercise one’s right
Combing your hair
Softening The Peach
Hoisting your own petard
Manual labor
Stewing in your own juices
Do the white knuckler
Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol
Visit the glue factory
Frying up the corndog
Snap
Go on a date with Fisty Palmer
Windsurf on Mount Baldy
Distributing free literature
Grease the pipe
Apply Lip Gloss
Be your own best friend
Polish The Pearl
Play in a one-man show
Peel the banana
Jack Off – Jerk It
Squishing the squidgie
Flip the bishop
Milking the cow
Making it up as you go along
Play a little five-on-one
Nulling The Void
Toss
Two-finger tango
Hit the slit
Polish (One’s) Pearl
Shake hands with your John Thomas
Palm the calm
Audition the finger puppets
Making the world safe for democracy
Working without Annette
Whip your dripper
Ride the shame train
Paddle the pickle
Ruin your eyesight
Downstairs Dj
Stroking the one-eyed snake
Marching The Penguin
One handed baseball
Hold the sausage hostage
Spank the frank
Ticklewigglejigglepickle
Sampling the secret sauce
Burp the baby
Being rough with the sex stick
Date Mrs. Palmer
Fire off some knuckle-children
Polishing The Banister
Spank It
Doing A Meg Ryan
Dancing in the dragon’s fiery breath
Stir the batter
Investing in pork bellies
Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money
Hug the hog
Slam the clam
Whip the dummy
Play With (One’s Self)
Jill
Wrestling the one eyed monster
Bang yourself
Strumming the one-string harp
Building upper-body strength
Zasturbation
Toss the turkey
Manual Override
Working late at the office
Choke the chicken
Dry humping the ottoman
Scraping off the scabs
Straining your cabbage
Take some “me time”
Waxin’ n’ Milkin’
Abusing the wicked stick
Honk your horn
Twist your crank
Making Soup
Visiting with Papa Smurf
Making the bread rise
Cooking Cucumbers
Do the janitor thing
Punish Percy
Sand wood
Tickle your pickle
Working up a foamy lather
Climb the tree
Slap the clown
Calling down for more mayo
Closet Frisbee
Sizing things up
Unpacking the moving van
Tosser
Prepare the carrot
Consulting with your silent partner
Having a knee trembler
Frig
Tame the shrew
Holding your own
Rubbing Rob Reiner
Wax the Buick
Hitchhike to heaven
Box with Richard
Scratch the itch
Spank Elvis
Rolling it off the lot
Jilling off
Slap pappy
Anger the pickle
Dotting The “I”
Taking a few practice shots
Making Waffles
Making the bald man cry
Self-induced penile regurgitation
Diddling
Whip the one-eyed worm
Tapping the wookie on the head
Jill Off
Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel
Beating my meat
Teaching the Cyclops the lambada
Spank the salami
Basting the ham
Pounding the fence post
Test your batteries
Fishing with dynamite
Thump your thong
Tug-of-war with the cyclops
Jerking off
Flog the dolphin
Hosing down the driveway
Solo sex
Take a solo trip to Happy Town, population: Me
Pump the stump
Polish the sword
Junior Olympic Pole Vaulting
Stroke the mole
Varnish the flagpole
Burping The Worm
Wallowing in self pity
Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters
Check for testicular cancer
Pump the python
Drain the monster
Smack the salami
Twang the wire
Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters
Giving Yourself A Hand
Slam the Spam
Beat the bologna
Making soup
Bugger your hand
Flog the mule
Stroke the carrot
Wrestling with the bald champ
Date Miss Michigan
Batting practice
Eating grapes with the one-armed man
Shake the sausage
Toss the snag
Shake hands with the unemployed
Tweak your Twinkie
Jerk The Johnson
Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters
Lone Rangering
Flog the dong
Drilling For Oil
Toss Off
Stroke (One’s) Salami
Drop The Kids Off At The Pool
Paddling The Pink Canoe
Polish Percy in your palm
Doing your homework
Pound the bald-headed moose
Holding your sausage hostage
Greasing the three-legged cow
One-night-stand with yourself
Five finger shuffle
Slam the ham
Badgering the witness
Squeeze the juice
Going to the palm prom
Double clicking the mouse
Spending your Christmas bonus
Playing tug of war with the cyclops
Box the Jesuit
Bop the bonzo
Safest sex
Polish (One’s) Knob
Kill A Kitten
Flog (One’s) Log
Donald trump firing his apprentice
Tick the taco
Finding Nemo
Arguing with Henry Longfellow
Play five against one
Choke the chicken
Playing the one-stringed melody
Roughing up the suspect
Spank the bishop
Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader’s head
Pet the poodle
Pound off
Shoot the airplane
Hump (One’s) Fist
Squeeze the cheese
Walking the dog
Wank
Polish the family jewels
Caning the vandal
Jerk (One’s) Gherkin
Beat the dummy
Tickle the pickle
Wiggling your walrus
Hone the cone
Wrestle the dragon
Submit myself for peer review
Pull The Pud
Beat the pud
Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion
Making my girl happy
Stretch the turtleneck
Yank the crank
Shag-yer-self
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Play tag with the pink torpedo
Paint The Ceiling
Making stomach pancakes
Feed the ducks
Tease the weenie
Strain the main vein
Poaching The Egg
Clear the snorkel
Punch The Munchkin
Shake the snake
Punish Percy in your palm
Beat up your date
Pound your flounder
Keep the census down
Slam the salami
Buff the banana
Fiddle the flesh flute
Have A Date With Rosey Palmer And Her Five Sisters
Strip-mining with the spaghetti man
Taking a load off
Diy
Wank It
Five knuckle shuffle
Taking care of my business
Run off a batch by hand
Shake The Creamer
Crushing pop cans in the dark
Sling the jelly
Take the monster for a one-armed ride
Preparing The Monologue
Love’s labors lost
Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko
Cleaning out your account
Flick the bean
Double Clicking
Mix the baby gravy
Yank your plank
Burp the worm
Taunt the one-eyed weasel
Jack hammer
Wake the dead
Whittle the stick
Lubing the tube
Secret handshake
Putting your foot down
Acting out the grapes of wrath
Fist your mister
Jerk Off
Give yourself a low five
Master Debater
Exercising your right to privacy
Polish the rocket
Have A Date With Rosey Palmer
Rosing
Free Willy
Punch the clown
Do the five knuckle shuffle
Daisy-chaining
Let the beaver swim
Hitting too close to home
Celebrating Palm Sunday
Auditioning The Finger Puppets
Brushing up on your typing skills
Have Sex With (One’s Self)
Flog The Log
Gallop the old lizard
Tickle the taco
Plunk your twanger
Rubbing one out
Bleed the weed
Feeding bologna to the Smurfs
Backstroke roulette
Pull the carrot
Goose the gherkin
Make a withdrawal
Opening the flood gates
Jerk The Gherkin
Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter
Pound the pony
Rub One Off
Crimp the wire
Yank It
Walk the plank
Whip up some sour cream
Communing with nature
Jacking off
Pull the goalie
Cry in the shower
Roll your own
Talk quietly to yourself
Playing air guitar naked
Defrosting the fridge
Squeeze out the DNA juice
Pud Wrestle
Slap the carrot
Going fishing with the man in the boat
Shake hands with Abe Lincoln
Shaking Hands With The Milkman
Ben your Franklin
Hand job
Hold the bishop
Orbiting Venus
Slicking Willie
Digital penile oscillation
Raining on your parade
Rub the nub
Scratch n’ sniff
Strangle The Snake
Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell
Go To The Bank
Applying the hand brake
Visiting The Safety Deposit Box
Fap
Shooting yourself in the foot
Pet The Bunny
Drive the skin bus
Manipulate the mango

151 Ways to Wank or at least Name the Act Ya Wanker.

To grip your penis and pull up and down, causing an ejaculation. Any man who fantasizes about having sex looks forward to it is a wanker, share additional names below.