When family dinners turn into spiritual warfare, Auntie Sheila is here to help.
Dear Auntie Sheila,
You know how some people’s in-laws meddle in their lives? Well, my sister-in-law has gone beyond meddling—she’s waging a full-on spiritual campaign at every family gathering, armed with her trusty deck of tarot cards.
It started small. At first, she’d whip them out after dessert, offering to do “a quick reading” for anyone curious. I thought it was harmless fun—until she predicted that my husband and I would face “a terrible conflict in the coming months.” Now every time we so much as bicker over who left the milk out, she smirks like she’s Nostradamus and says, “Ah, the cards never lie.”
Last weekend, it escalated. She insisted on doing a “protective cleansing” of the dining table before dinner, which involved wafting sage smoke around the mashed potatoes while chanting something about bad energy. My husband’s aunt, who was already on her third wine, started yelling, “The spirits approve!” and before I knew it, we were in the middle of what felt like a séance.
The worst part? My mother-in-law is now fully on board with this madness. She’s convinced that my sister-in-law’s cards hold the key to all our problems. Last week, she actually called to tell me not to “tempt fate” by redecorating my living room, because the cards said it wasn’t a good time for change.
I can’t take it anymore, Sheila. I love my husband, but if I have to sit through one more dinner where a conversation about the weather turns into a debate about whether Mercury is in retrograde, I might lose it. How do I handle this without causing the very “terrible conflict” the cards warned about?
Sincerely,
Joanne Green
Dear Joanne – Tarot-ble Times Ahead,
Oh, darling, I can feel your frustration through the screen—and I don’t even need a deck of tarot cards to predict that you’ve had enough. Let me assure you: you are not alone. Families have been driving each other to the brink since the dawn of time, and yours has just added a mystical twist to the age-old tradition of pushing buttons.
First, let’s address the obvious: your sister-in-law probably isn’t trying to ruin your life (even if it feels like it). She’s found something that gives her a sense of power, purpose, or at the very least, attention—and she’s running with it.
When Tarot Takes Over the Family Table
Here’s how you can handle this escalating circus:
- Draw Your Own Boundaries: It’s perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m not really comfortable with tarot readings at the dinner table,” or, “Let’s save the sage for after we eat.” Being polite but firm will go a long way.
- Humor as a Shield: If your sister-in-law insists on bringing the cards into every conversation, fight fire with funny. Next time she predicts doom and gloom, you could say, “I hope the cards are wrong—I already paid for non-refundable tickets to paradise!” Lightheartedness can diffuse tension.
- Control the Narrative: If the family insists on letting her take center stage, try steering the conversation to safer ground. When she says, “The spirits have spoken,” you can say, “Well, I think the spirits would love to hear about how Uncle Joe finally fixed his lawnmower.”
- The Nuclear Option: If things get truly out of hand, it’s okay to take a step back. You’re not obligated to sit through every mystical family dinner. “Sorry, we’re busy” is a perfectly valid excuse—and a self-care necessity.
When Things Get Too X-Rated for Dinner
Now, about the aunt yelling “The spirits approve!” during dinner—I’m dying to know what the spirits think about dessert. But in all seriousness, it sounds like your family gatherings are teetering dangerously close to becoming an episode of Real Housewives of the Occult. If Aunt Tipsy starts summoning long-lost relatives or offering to channel your late great-grandmother, you might need to set some firm ground rules for what’s appropriate at the table.
And if your sister-in-law brings out the tarot deck one more time, you could consider bringing your own “deck.” How about a pack of Uno cards? Next time she starts shuffling, you can slam down a Draw Four and say, “The cards have spoken—no more tarot tonight!”
Auntie Sheila’s Final Word on Family Drama
Darling, families are like casseroles: sometimes they’re warm and comforting, and other times they’re just a hot mess. The key is to figure out how much of the “mess” you’re willing to tolerate—and when to scoop up your plate and move to another table.
Talk to your husband about your feelings, set some boundaries, and don’t be afraid to step away if it gets too much. And remember: no amount of tarot cards can predict your happiness if you take control of your own destiny.
Yours mystically,
Auntie Sheila
See Also: How to Introduce Your Kinky Side in a Relationship: Advice from Auntie Sheila
