The worldwide popularity of both the book and the movie “50 Shades of Grey” made the story of BDSM sex reach the masses, making it a kind of phenomenon. However, as with anything people generally know little about, there are many prejudices about this type of sexual practice. The term BDSM dates back to 1969 and is an abbreviation for “bondage & discipline,” “dominance & submission,” as well as sadism and masochism.
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Clarice Thorne, an expert on subculture, sexuality, and new media and author of “The S&M Feminist,” explains to Buzz Feed the real meaning and background of BDSM sex to break down the prejudices that rule this type of sexual relationship. Especially after the global popularity of the movie “50 Shades of Grey”. BDSM doesn’t have to mean sex. Many people believe that BDSM is always tied to the sexual act itself, but that doesn’t have to be the case at all. Tornova explains that it is about an intense sexual experience and satisfaction that people can experience this way, even without the actual relationship. There is nothing wrong or disturbing in people who practice BDSM sex. This is one of the most common prejudices regarding BDSM sex, according to Tornova.
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BDSM is not something that encourages violence in the family or between partners. The people who enjoy this kind of sex are not abusers or bullies in their everyday life, nor are they any threat to anyone. “BDSM is a way of expressing one’s sexuality and can also become a way of life. These ordinary people decided to express their sexuality in such a way. It can be your neighbors, professors, colleagues at work, people you see every day in the supermarket – they are not different in any way, except for their sexual dynamics, which are simply different from ordinary ones”, says Gloria Brame, author of the book “Different Loving.”
People who practice BDSM sex are not necessarily psychologically unstable. In 2008, a study that was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who practice BDSM do not show any more signs of psychological difficulties and disorders, such as anxiety and depression, than people who practice regular sex. BDSM is about the agreement, not forcing someone to do something. You can always say no. Most people think that in these relationships, the rule is “all or nothing” and that the submissive person must blindly accept all the dominant person’s rules no matter what. “That is absolutely wrong. A person can, and should, choose which BDSM activities they want to do, as well as determine the line they don’t want to cross,” explains Tornova. Although it may sound funny to you, the safe word is definitely something that exists in the BDSM community and, as stated by Tornova, it is probably one of the most important norms because it marks the moment in which the submissive person demands from the dominant person to stop that action. After all, it no longer gives her pleasure.
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Actually, the film “50 Shades of Grey” causes a sense of shame in the BDSM community. And while some consider how this book and movie made people interested in “different” sex, others think that this movie actually promotes violence, unhealthy emotional connection, and rather unrealistic scenes. In any case, the film does not enjoy the respect of the BDSM community, as it works to reinforce stereotypes about BDSM sex. It’s not just about whips, handcuffs, and physical pain. “A lot of people are turned on by sexual dominance alone, which doesn’t need any toys or props. In fact, it’s about experiencing sensual excitement when the partner agrees with everything the dominant person says, obedience and that very often it can only remain on a verbal and sensual level, without any pain,” explains Tornova. BDSM people are not necessarily promiscuous and can be in a monogamous relationship. This lifestyle is often misinterpreted as exclusively polygamous and promiscuous, so it is believed that BDSM people have many partners and often change them. However, as Thorne states, many BDSM people are monogamous. To mutual satisfaction, they have one partner with whom they find comfort and freedom in expressing themselves sexually. Also, it is a prejudice that men are the most dominant while women are submissive. A lot of BDSM men enjoy having a woman dominate them.
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Conclusion
When we consider stereotypes, pornography, and the movie “50 shades of gray”, there are a lot of stereotypes and misconceptions about BDSM sex. And just like all other areas – adequate research and education are a MUST to fully and properly understand a phenomenon.
If you liked this article, feel free to check out an even darker one on the same topic – about an actual relationship between a Mistress and her slave husband!
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