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Different Ways English Speakers Describe Wanking Help is needed I have sat for a while and thought of as many ways possible to pull the pork. However, it's not clear I have covered them all. Men of any age are likely to fantasize about having sex by gripping their hand around their penis and pulling up and down, this is also known as having and ham shank or wank. It does not matter how you may even want a posh wank, here are a huge list of words to describe you being a dirty bastard. How Using Sex Toys Can Boost Your Sexual Pleasure Pluck (One’s) Twanger Painting the picket fence Hitchhike To The Sky Shaking hands with Dr. Winky Pull the Pope Clicking The Home Page Crack One Off Tickle the ivory Polishing the pearl Have one off the wrist One guy, one cup Shoot putty at the moon Evicting the testicular squatters Banana squeezing Stranger Couch hockey for one Barking up the wrong tree Cuff the carrot Rubbing Buddha’s tummy Making it snow Stir the yogurt Punch The Clown Make instant pudding Corral your tadpole Go on a date with Handrea and Palmela Pole dancing Flogging the egg man Dancing with the one-eyed sailor Visiting Rosy Palms and her five sisters Rope the Pope Shuffle your Ipod Shine the helmet Beat (One’s) Meat Self-Love Slap it Slapping Johnny on the back Whippin off a batch Bludgeon the beefsteak Petting the kitty Do handiwork Cook Up A Batch Beat The Kids Electing the President Singing Soprano Tug the slug Engage in safe sex Milk the moose Milk the lizard Varnishing the banister Tenderize the tube steak A date with Palmela Handerson Onan’s olympics Frost the pastries Play the skin flute Squeezing the happy lumberjack Sacrifice sperm to the god of lonely nights Squeeze your cheese-dog Plunk (One’s) Twanger Keep a date with Fisty Palmer Fling your phallus Wax on, whack off Have A Tug Of War With Cyclops Pudwhack Paying at the turnpike Sex With Someone You Love Punch (One’s) Clown Combing the hair on your bald pig Sally Spank the monkey Stroke It Spearing The Bearded Clam Manual override Give it a tug Thump the pump Rough Up The Suspect Beat the meat Crank the love pump Pump gas at the self-service island Love the Muppet Monologuing Jerk Jamby Slap The Salami Batebeat It Cuddle the kielbasa Rub One Out Screwing your courage to the sticking place Pet the lizard Putting your thumb in the porridge Play peek-a-boo Shellac the shillelagh Whack It Making magic with leftovers Sailing the mayonnaise seas Paint the ceiling Getting trigger happy Choke (One’s) Chicken Fiction friction Flog the dolphin Oil the glove Whack the weasel Dating Hannie Palmer Spinnin’ a record Beat the stick Self-Abuse Minding The Gap Painting the flag pole Unloading the gun Hand to gland combat Beat The Bishop Get your pole varnished Walk the dog Go blind Have A Wank Jibber jab Boxing The One-Eyed Champ Play pocket pool Self abuse Helping put Mr. Kleenex’s kids through college Calling in the secret service One man band Buck The Slobbering Donkey Beat the bishop Rotating The Drive Head Gardening with the golden trowel Do it your way Pound the pud Wax the carrot Beat the beaver Shake and steak Romeo and himself Turning On The Sprinklers Make the bald man puke Spank The Monkey Appease the cheese Cuffing The Carrot Battling the purple-headed yogurt slinger Whack Willy Putting your best foot forward Stroking it Wax The Dolphin Whip the wire Pull your own leg Ram the ham Shake the sauce Flicking the bean Blow your own horn Five Knuckle Shuffle Play pocket pinball Punch the munchkin Smiting the pink knight Jerkin the gerkin Flog The Bishop Polish The Family Jewels Shucking The Corn Shake hands with the unemployed Walking a mile in Mr. Wiggly’s shoes One gun salute Adjusting the antenna Discovering your own potential Ice the churro Smack Lester Hotfooting it to the nearest exit Sex with someone you really love Milk the self Slap the salami Keynoting In Cupertino Crank the shank Debugging The Hard Drive Tapping Into Your Potential Frosting your maple bar Relishing your hot dog Firing the pound gun Greasin’ the gash Saluting the general Choking the chicken Nerk your throbber Flick The Bean Wonk your conker Shake hands with the midget Perform diagnostics on your man tool Whip the stiff Wrist aerobics Taking The Self-Guided Tour Date Miss Michigan Slap high fives with Yul Brynner Clean your rifle Feeling your way around Snap the monkey Aea Beat the bologna Polish the helmet Locking the bathroom door Shemp the hog Taking Selfies At The Bean Spank Bank Bop the bolony Self medicate Fastening the chin strap on the helmet of love Take myself for a walk Hard labor Playing pocket pool Scrach and sniff Choke The Chicken Pip the pumpkin Shlick Play tug-o-war with Cyclops Playing Five-On-One Mangle the midget Fucking yourself Work things out Slap the donkey Knock one out Snap the whip Tipping off the inspector Wank with the one-eyed wonder weasel Making chowder with sailor Ned Shake hands with the champ Pull the pud Wanker Slapping the salami Aiding and abetting a known felon Lope the mule Cheese off Beat Off Hitchhike underneath the big top Wax The Carrot Spanking the monkey Get to know yourself Bash The Bishop Take the fifth Play Uno Stroke the satin-headed serpent Ride the great white knuckler Charm the snake Spanking the rooster Snap the rubber Stranger, The Backing your fist Spank the monkey Whitewashing with Huck and Tom Pack your palm Ull (One’s) Pud Beef tips stroking off Jazz yourself Wank Off Scratching Yoda Behind The Ears Play Pocket Pinball Bop the bologna Working at your own speed Take matters into your own hands Flickin’ the kitten Get a date with Slick Mittens Fondle your flagpole Engaging In Safe Sex Spank Diddle my skittle# Whack Off Audition your hand puppet Spank the wank Flipping your omelet Pet (One’s) Kitty Attack the one-eyed purple-headed warrior Give your low five Pumping the keg Squeeze the toothpaste in the middle of the tube Go on a date with Rosy Palm and her five sisters Play a one-stringed guitar Skin Off Scraping the bottom of the barrel Taking Your Talents To South Beach Choke Kojak Wash the meat Liquidating the inventory Pull rank Pulling your own weight Toss yogurt Riding the five-legged pony Pound (One’s) Pud Rub the pink eraser Making a cash withdrawal Pull the pole Get the German soldier marching Whip the one-eyed trouser snake Tribute Picture Flick your Bic Thinking of your mom Shift gears Wax the dolphin Whack it Shake hands with your wife’s best friend Bop The Bishop Caulk the tube sock Hump your hose Turning Japanese Beating the bishop Lubricating the love monkey Talk to the hand Solo flight Pull the bologna pony Flog the log Left to your own devices Stroke your Twinkie Stretching the truth Squeeze out a victory Unleashing the alabaster yak Wring out your rope Master Bacon, meet Rosie Hancock Go a couple of rounds with ol’ Josh Letting the cat out of the bag Clean the bean Shuck your corn Flog the bishop Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come Much goo about nothing Null the void Paint the pickle Thrash your thing Go the blow Clicking the mouse Be your own best friend Stroke your poker Rub one out Take part in population control Fly fishing Debugging the hard drive Clamp the pipe Playing the single-string air guitar Plugging in the toaster Whip the rat Revving the engine Butter the corn Flick (One’s) Bean Make a foreskin cone Painting the ceiling Scour the tower of power Yank the yo-yo Shake hands with Yul Brynner Stinky pinky Tug Crown the king Looking for clues with Fred and Daphne Stroke The Salami – Torque It Tending to your own affairs Visit from the five-fingered aunty Mount a corporal and four Look for ticks Petting The Cat Dialing The Rotary Phone Pulling yourself up by your own bootstrap Badgering The Witness Watching The Magic Mike: Xxl Trailer That crazy hand jive Wrestle the eel Spank (One’s) Monkey Pull your taffy Jerk the gherkin Bash the candle Prime the pump Rope the pony Slam the salmon Caulking the cracks in the bathroom tile Double-Click (One’s) Mouse Solo marathon Indiana Jones finding a sweet dig Playing it safe Wack Off Trolling The Bermuda Triangle Shoot for the moon Clap your clit Submitted by Jake W. Shine your pole Exercise one’s right Combing your hair Softening The Peach Hoisting your own petard Manual labor Stewing in your own juices Do the white knuckler Slap the purple-headed yogurt pistol Visit the glue factory Frying up the corndog Snap Go on a date with Fisty Palmer Windsurf on Mount Baldy Distributing free literature Grease the pipe Apply Lip Gloss Be your own best friend Polish The Pearl Play in a one-man show Peel the banana Jack Off – Jerk It Squishing the squidgie Flip the bishop Milking the cow Making it up as you go along Play a little five-on-one Nulling The Void Toss Two-finger tango Hit the slit Polish (One’s) Pearl Shake hands with your John Thomas Palm the calm Audition the finger puppets Making the world safe for democracy Working without Annette Whip your dripper Ride the shame train Paddle the pickle Ruin your eyesight Downstairs Dj Stroking the one-eyed snake Marching The Penguin One handed baseball Hold the sausage hostage Spank the frank Ticklewigglejigglepickle Sampling the secret sauce Burp the baby Being rough with the sex stick Date Mrs. Palmer Fire off some knuckle-children Polishing The Banister Spank It Doing A Meg Ryan Dancing in the dragon’s fiery breath Stir the batter Investing in pork bellies Giving the half-blind dog a run for his money Hug the hog Slam the clam Whip the dummy Play With (One’s Self) Jill Wrestling the one eyed monster Bang yourself Strumming the one-string harp Building upper-body strength Zasturbation Toss the turkey Manual Override Working late at the office Choke the chicken Dry humping the ottoman Scraping off the scabs Straining your cabbage Take some "me time" Waxin’ n’ Milkin’ Abusing the wicked stick Honk your horn Twist your crank Making Soup Visiting with Papa Smurf Making the bread rise Cooking Cucumbers Do the janitor thing Punish Percy Sand wood Tickle your pickle Working up a foamy lather Climb the tree Slap the clown Calling down for more mayo Closet Frisbee Sizing things up Unpacking the moving van Tosser Prepare the carrot Consulting with your silent partner Having a knee trembler Frig Tame the shrew Holding your own Rubbing Rob Reiner Wax the Buick Hitchhike to heaven Box with Richard Scratch the itch Spank Elvis Rolling it off the lot Jilling off Slap pappy Anger the pickle Dotting The “I” Taking a few practice shots Making Waffles Making the bald man cry Self-induced penile regurgitation Diddling Whip the one-eyed worm Tapping the wookie on the head Jill Off Arm-wrestle with your one-eyed vessel Beating my meat Teaching the Cyclops the lambada Spank the salami Basting the ham Pounding the fence post Test your batteries Fishing with dynamite Thump your thong Tug-of-war with the cyclops Jerking off Flog the dolphin Hosing down the driveway Solo sex Take a solo trip to Happy Town, population: Me Pump the stump Polish the sword Junior Olympic Pole Vaulting Stroke the mole Varnish the flagpole Burping The Worm Wallowing in self pity Date Rosie Palm and her five sisters Check for testicular cancer Pump the python Drain the monster Smack the salami Twang the wire Meat with Mother Thumb and her four daughters Giving Yourself A Hand Slam the Spam Beat the bologna Making soup Bugger your hand Flog the mule Stroke the carrot Wrestling with the bald champ Date Miss Michigan Batting practice Eating grapes with the one-armed man Shake the sausage Toss the snag Shake hands with the unemployed Tweak your Twinkie Jerk The Johnson Date Mrs. Palmer and her five daughters Lone Rangering Flog the dong Drilling For Oil Toss Off Stroke (One’s) Salami Drop The Kids Off At The Pool Paddling The Pink Canoe Polish Percy in your palm Doing your homework Pound the bald-headed moose Holding your sausage hostage Greasing the three-legged cow One-night-stand with yourself Five finger shuffle Slam the ham Badgering the witness Squeeze the juice Going to the palm prom Double clicking the mouse Spending your Christmas bonus Playing tug of war with the cyclops Box the Jesuit Bop the bonzo Safest sex Polish (One’s) Knob Kill A Kitten Flog (One’s) Log Donald trump firing his apprentice Tick the taco Finding Nemo Arguing with Henry Longfellow Play five against one Choke the chicken Playing the one-stringed melody Roughing up the suspect Spank the bishop Going Hans Solo on Darth Vader’s head Pet the poodle Pound off Shoot the airplane Hump (One’s) Fist Squeeze the cheese Walking the dog Wank Polish the family jewels Caning the vandal Jerk (One’s) Gherkin Beat the dummy Tickle the pickle Wiggling your walrus Hone the cone Wrestle the dragon Submit myself for peer review Pull The Pud Beat the pud Genital stimulation via phallengetic motion Making my girl happy Stretch the turtleneck Yank the crank Shag-yer-self Play tag with the pink torpedo Play tag with the pink torpedo Paint The Ceiling Making stomach pancakes Feed the ducks Tease the weenie Strain the main vein Poaching The Egg Clear the snorkel Punch The Munchkin Shake the snake Punish Percy in your palm Beat up your date Pound your flounder Keep the census down Slam the salami Buff the banana Fiddle the flesh flute Have A Date With Rosey Palmer And Her Five Sisters Strip-mining with the spaghetti man Taking a load off Diy Wank It Five knuckle shuffle Taking care of my business Run off a batch by hand Shake The Creamer Crushing pop cans in the dark Sling the jelly Take the monster for a one-armed ride Preparing The Monologue Love’s labors lost Stroke the one-eyed burping gecko Cleaning out your account Flick the bean Double Clicking Mix the baby gravy Yank your plank Burp the worm Taunt the one-eyed weasel Jack hammer Wake the dead Whittle the stick Lubing the tube Secret handshake Putting your foot down Acting out the grapes of wrath Fist your mister Jerk Off Give yourself a low five Master Debater Exercising your right to privacy Polish the rocket Have A Date With Rosey Palmer Rosing Free Willy Punch the clown Do the five knuckle shuffle Daisy-chaining Let the beaver swim Hitting too close to home Celebrating Palm Sunday Auditioning The Finger Puppets Brushing up on your typing skills Have Sex With (One’s Self) Flog The Log Gallop the old lizard Tickle the taco Plunk your twanger Rubbing one out Bleed the weed Feeding bologna to the Smurfs Backstroke roulette Pull the carrot Goose the gherkin Make a withdrawal Opening the flood gates Jerk The Gherkin Polish the rock-hard staff of St. Peter Pound the pony Rub One Off Crimp the wire Yank It Walk the plank Whip up some sour cream Communing with nature Jacking off Pull the goalie Cry in the shower Roll your own Talk quietly to yourself Playing air guitar naked Defrosting the fridge Squeeze out the DNA juice Pud Wrestle Slap the carrot Going fishing with the man in the boat Shake hands with Abe Lincoln Shaking Hands With The Milkman Ben your Franklin Hand job Hold the bishop Orbiting Venus Slicking Willie Digital penile oscillation Raining on your parade Rub the nub Scratch n’ sniff Strangle The Snake Invoking the Oscar Meyer love spell Go To The Bank Applying the hand brake Visiting The Safety Deposit Box Fap Shooting yourself in the foot Pet The Bunny Drive the skin bus Manipulate the mango 151 Ways to Wank or at least Name the Act Ya Wanker. To grip your penis and pull up and down, causing an ejaculation. Any man who fantasizes about having sex looks forward to it is a wanker, share additional names below. Nead a hand? 10 Most Popular Porn Sites in the World